Lord Willing...

My girls and I got disappointing travel news yesterday that we didn't expect. My heart's first response was “cmon God, couldn't you have given me a heads up on this one”. I didn't expect him to miraculously change the situation. I didn't expect to pray some prayer and make everything go my way. So therefore I considered myself spiritually “healthy” on the matter. But in sitting with my girls and all our luggage in an empty terminal without a plane ticket, I had to admit that I wasn't healthy. I was mad. I wasn't expecting God to change things my way, but I had expected him to give me some kind of “heads up” on the problem so that I could have avoided last night's frustration. I believe in a sovereign God and that the Sovereign knew the speed bump in my road and didn't put up a caution sign. God had “failed” me.

As “reformed” Christians who lean hard on the Sovereignty of God, we can pridefully assume our hearts are good because we don't “name it and claim it” in our prayers. We assume we handle God correctly because we understand he is not our personal vending machine. But I find that my danger in my theology is being angry that the Omniscient didn't make me omniscient; that the Omnipotent didn't give me intel so that I could be omnipotent and orchestrate my circumstances and avoid the pain. My danger is that I get frustrated when God doesn't let me play god.

I “rest” in that I don't ask God to make my circumstances perfect, I take pride in how I don't manipulate God in such a manner. But here I sit, struggling with the anger that God did not empower me to make my circumstances perfect.

So whether I “name it and claim it” or whether I expect the Sovereign to give me the heads up – both reflect the same heart, a heart of discontentment.

Saint Paul said that he had learned to be content in all things. He did not pray it away, he didn't not expect insight or wisdom so that he could personally orchestrate it to his liking. He knew what I am once again being reminded:
God's most important job is not changing circumstances for me, his most important job is using my circumstances to change me.

So what then do we do when the unexpected speed bumps knock us around? How do we allow those circumstances to change us? It is in those moments that our faith - its strong points and weak points - is revealed. And when the bump in the road reveals a squeak in our suspension, we humbly go before God and deal with the squeak, we deal with the weakness that has been revealed.

For me, a weakness revealed is my lack of allowing God authority over plans. I have a friend who begins every sentence with “Lord willing…”. I found it awkward language at first, but over the past 4 years of watching her, I see how this phrase brings one into humble submission before God and also buffers us from the speed bumps.

The verse of the day in my bible app is
“Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you,”   1 Peter‬ ‭5:6‬ ‭ESV‬‬

So Lord willing, we will try our travel plans again today. And I will walk in the confidence and joy that He works all things for my good and His glory.